everything | colored | irridiscent
the world to me
looks like light through
stained glass panels
but all it sees in me are
my cold shaded eyes
and feels only my
cold hollow heart
not knowing
how much i am
in love with it
and admiring it
from the center
of my room
[10:48 PM] my backup for march 2004 ^_^ (incomplete)
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2004-03-14 00:25:32.772448-08
power of two
now the parking lot is empty
everyone's gone someplace
i pick you up and in the trunk i've packed
a cooler and a 2-day suitcase
cause there's a place we like to drive
way out in the country
five miles out of the city limit we're singing
and your hand's upon my knee
so we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two
you know the things that i am afraid of
i'm not afraid to tell
and if we ever leave a legacy
it's that we loved each other well
cause i've seen the shadows of so many people
trying on the treasures of youth
but a road that fancy and fast
ends in a fatal crash
and i'm glad we got off
to tell you the truth
cause we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two
all the shiny little trinkets of temptation
(make new friends)
something new instead of something old
(but keep the old)
all you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
(but remember what is gold)
and it's fools gold
(what is gold)
fools gold
(what is gold)
fools gold
now we're talking about a difficult thing
and your eyes are getting wet
i took us for better and i took us for worse
don't you ever forget it
now the steel bars between me and a promise
suddenly bend with ease
the closer i'm bound in love to you
the closer i am to free
so we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two
-~oOo~-
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2004-03-04 03:22:01.710908-08
i like fights
makes me nostalgic to have continued karate way way back. i had a funny incident when i almost fainted during warm-ups and my first sparring session wherein i kicked like chun-li. lol.
but my all time fighting character fave has been Kazuya Mishima of Tekken fame. 'the devil' as he is often been known as. i even have a devil button on my shoulder bag. imagine me toting it around during an evangelical christian wedding (i honestly didn't notice). lol. i truly must be sick.
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2004-03-02 19:29:36.575175-08
i dreamt again
this time it's uhmmm ... sweet
i dreamt of an officemate of mine that i have a huge crush on, and we were like comparing arm length (haha weird + funny) while sitting in our office cubicle. this was because i tease her that her arms are long enough that if we had a boxing match, she will win by virtue of outreaching me.
after that, she began feeling bad for herself and almost started to cry. i took her on my shoulders and said, "oh no no no. i mean you're cute. you're really, really, really cute". i then felt something touch my forehead ... she kissed me !! without another thought i closed my eyes (lol, it sounds weird to close your eyes in a dream) and i felt her lips touch mine. i then uhmm proceeded to press her against me and then ... and then ... i woke up.
now i feel weird because just this morning (after the dream), i was teaching her how to use a programmatical framework.
and just this lunch, she was sitting right across the table.
tee hee :D
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2004-03-02 01:19:00.250376-08
a weird dream
dreams are one of the most important manifestations of human imagination.
last night (or more probably, last early morning), i dreamt that our house in my hometown has more to it than just being as old as grandma. the ceiling in my parent's bedroom (where i used to sleep in as well when i was a child) has a certain panel that opens to a third floor (with some uncertain number of floors on top of it) !! now this third floor has bizarre physical anomalies, almost bordering on the ominous. outside, our house would look like it only has two floors, but inside you can access more floors that is probably five stories high. inside it are relics from the past owner of our house.
me and my dad were trying to pry open the panel, and it was him who told me that we were not the original owners. upon sticking my head up there, i saw a small domino piece -- indication that somebody is still up there -_- (i don't know what made me give that conclusion ... it's a dream so, meh).
to me this stuff opened up a lot of wonders i've always had since i was a kid. i like going through heritage and relics and stuff (though not enough for me to want to become an archaelogist). there's this certain high on being someplace were powerful people left their mark. when i went to LA alone about a few years back, i asked my friend Thea to show me around museums and art galleries. really enjoyed my time.
that and wanting to watch Wolf's Rain are the culprits in that bizarre dream.
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2004-03-01 23:46:44.957427-08
when dealing with a broken promise
gonna write stuff about my officemate. he just resigned from the company and leaving the project (i am in it too) but his depression is glaring. because you know, he's this sort of person who's softspoken but brilliant. but he has issues when letting others accepting his decision.
to expound a little further, his decision to resign kind of ticked some high heads in the company i'm working for since he's a very important part of the project (too few people around of his expertise), and he's taking it bad.
and well, since he's telling that to me, i was like, "dude, chill man, it may suck but they have to live with it". well, it's not as easy to him as it seems. he promised he'll stay long in the company, and breaking a word of honor is a big deal to him -_-
i said, if i switched places with him, i won't give a damn lol. if this was feudal japan he would be a shogun-serving samurai, and i'm a rounin o_o
moral, don't make promises. even if you can keep promises, don't make them lol.
i'm so evil. did i tell you guys i'm evil?
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2004-03-01 21:38:33.825753-08
the laundry
right. of all household chores i do myself, it's one of the things i can never enjoy. i usually just spend 30 minutes of my time on a week load of dirty laundry and be done with it.
it'll be so much a tolerable thing to do if we've got a decent washing machine (i do crappy manual wash ... in which case, i just put them all in a big basin of soapy water and JUMP ON THEM). ours just have it's rotating thingie a little busted besides the fact it has weak rotation power to start with. and it's inside our 2x4 meter bathroom o_o
anyway for some other thoughts, it's been quite long since i watched a movie o_o i don't have a movie buddy (usually with a date tho) so i'm left with just going with cable episodes ... er, months or years later.
wished i could've watched The Last Samurai. That Passion of Christ would be good too (ey, kryx?)
•
[10:46 PM] my backup for february 2004 ^_^
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2004-02-29 21:00:55.117011-08
i am sad
kind of feel down today.
i'm sure i'll get over it, but still ...
oh melo, my melo. you are my sounding board today.
crap. -_-
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2004-02-29 05:54:17.844364-08
a little post-valentine thought
"As my love becomes stronger than before
I wanna see you more and more
But you closed your door
Why don't you try to open up your heart
I won't take so much of your time
Maybe it's wrong to say please love me too
'Cause i know you'll never do ..."
- Maybe, sung by Neocolours
time for some melodrama. got a little worked up with some post-valentine ad o_o
i have been a substitute boyfriend (i am talking to my one-year old niece, sort of venting out my thoughts). yeah, i think that happens to a better part of the male population. you know, get to hang out with a single gal pal and do stuff like movies and dinner (oh my, it's like dating) and stuff. be someone she could gripe about something, be the person to hear it first when she gets excited about stuff. to almost any guy, that's just like, cool. it feels good. the need for being needed fulfilled. but it ends there. when some guy (suitor or ex or otherwise) comes up, you get the special role of hearing all about it -- her leaving you.
now how does that feel? horrible ofcourse. because no matter how neatly you arrange your emotions up that brain, when you allow someone to be close to your heart, even for a little bit, it's going to hurt. the sensation ranges from the likes of an ant bite, to an acupuncture needle that went too deep for comfort.
so, on the first opportunity, make it real or make things clear. don't bullshit each other. don't let the good sensations you get out of it take the place of genuinely falling in love. there's no replacement for the real thing. this world has seen too many broken hearts already -- divorces, single parenthood, etc. better get that act together. genuinely falling in love means, getting ready to get hurt and still be strong about it. simply because you feel you are all out for this person in the long run, even if it's not a path of roses. there's nothing more beautiful than a couple who have gone through a lot and still find themselves smiling at the end of the day.
if the answer to your question, "why are we doing this? (relationship without commitment)" is "because it felt good", then it's tragedy waiting to happen. we may or may not be conscious about it. and it may even take a few good tries before we even finally wise up. the important thing is to make it a learning experience and admit that we'll still get hurt even after learning (sometimes people need to be reminded, i'm no exception o_o).
ofcourse, since my niece doesn't understand any word i say, that makes her a good listener :D alright, time to call your mom little lady
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2004-02-26 23:57:53.388274-08
we interrupt our regular posting with this ...
i kinda feel good today. perhaps because it's the end of the week, and there is no climb tomorrow. and ofcourse, because kryx had her 500th karma.
here's my special smile for kryx-senpai
and here's my smooch *muh*
now, to eat :S
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2004-02-26 19:23:33.716638-08
teh music
another thought escaped from my fingers again. i wonder if it's possible to train my mind to hold it all in o_o or there must be reason why i must not.
now where were we? uhmm, let me just pick up one that's floating in my head. oh, let me just narrate how i can be a weird person to talk to.
for example. i hear music. just some music, nothing fancy. and then i am reminded of a certain song i like hearing now and then. but i don't know the name of the artist. though i'm sure the artist's name starts with 'B'. i bring up a list of artists in my mind whose name start's with 'B' ... Beatles, Bon Jovi ... but the problem is, when i need to recall something that starts with 'B' the glaring thought that comes to my mind would be 'Beavis and Butthead'.
so if you're right in front me and we're talking, and then i heard some music, i'll bring up a topic about 'Beavis and Butthead'. out of the blue, just like that.
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2004-02-25 19:07:42.497139-08
iris 2
just wanted to post how colored contact lenses are the zuckz. i mean, why cover the real color of your eyes with something so unnatural and dead?
so i wear glasses. (ooh, anche is geeky)
oh, and for some reason, girls with glasses look sexy to me ^_O
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2004-02-24 18:30:39.225184-08
ja ...
i wanted to write a lot of things. but i think my brain is like, a 100-ton storage facility protected by a sieve o_o
i'm having second thoughts on joining the climb this weekend. i have not contacted my 'mates for a looooong while. i think it's because i'm trying to avoid any assignment *tee hee*. all i want, is to climb with mindless abandon. cleanse my mind from all the whirlpool of thoughts invading it (or at least minimize it), and just get my muscles aching and flexed.
i wonder though ... is my hate still there ...
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2004-02-23 19:08:44.925714-08
none of my friends are updating
people seem busy today.
just a little anecdote.
last sunday i was with my one-year old niece. well, you know little kids like to have their curiousity quenched by touching and poking things. she likes to come to my room and look at me with her wide eyes when i'm on my laptop (must be the color she sees from the screen). she would then proceed to poke on the keys and wiggle the mouse.
instead of letting her rummage through the power adapter and get her first jolt, i would put her on my lap and let her watch the screen while i'm playing Diablo 2. i will never have peace ofcourse if she does that. so i put a little distance between the chair i'm sitting on and the keys (she will still try to reach it).
anyway, the funny part of it was when she began picking her nose. so i went like, "that's right, learn how to dial numbers that way". i started laughing when she's getting frustrated and tried to probe a little deeper. and then i shrieked when she put the same finger in her mouth.
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2004-02-20 02:01:14.433722-08
here i am
friday in the office. for work? nah. i'm doing a hobby.
and that is writing fiction. or at least thinking of it. hmmm ... i am in the middle of making more than three titles, and none of it ever has a solid storyline T_T
ah well. i think the only way i could finish them is to go full time at writing. which is not very practical to earn money unless i become famous on the first try o_-
i'm also in the middle of learning how to write japanese characters. currently, i know about 30 kanji and all the 46 hiragana characters. it's quite a chore to read them, but quite easy to write them from memory -- and what each means.
my plan for making a web comic is still in the trays.
fu fu fu ^_^
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2004-02-19 19:18:07.974864-08
we have a pet shark
no, the little bugger is a freshwater shark and is all but his uncle Jaws.
he's about seven inches long, and always have bumps and bruises on his head. that's because he's stupid and keeps on imagining the aquarium glass is a gatedoor to the wide open ... uhmm ... body of water.
anyway. i think he's a mutant shark because, it's like really really old. i'm in the condo i'm staying for almost two years now, and the original inhabitants said that it's been there for at least six years more.
all other fishes that came with him already died (he did not eat or bite them ofcourse), but he's still as tough as dirt.
ah well. just a nonsense post :D
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2004-02-19 01:43:00.644343-08
this is just like me
just noticed how i only communicate to a few melo friends: kryx (the reason i am here now ;)), kolibri (one of the most insightful and artistic people in melo), and secondthought (i think she's the incarnation of sunshine). i'm never a crowd-type of person, and like i've always said, i'm more of a one-on-one type.
must be my tendency to just keep a few friends and stick to them. hmmm ... whoring around never appealed to me. i know there's a lot of other interesting people out there. but it looks like right now, i only desire to *touch* a few.
i just like reading other people's stories every now and then (or more like, all of my online time) and how they deal with the bumps and slides in their lives. ofcourse, i have my own fair share of those of which write for all melo-ers to see.
oh oh, better post this before my mind changes again ... fickle fickle fickle meee
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2004-02-18 19:20:15.736572-08
on being capricious
yeah, i am that.
because of that i just deleted paragraphs and paragraphs of words said just so i can say something better or different. whichever fits my mood. why, right now i just changed the post title. i was supposed to write something on why i am here on melo and not on my other blog.
suddenly, i just changed my mind. so fickle-minded. uuughh. like i said, it's the effect of having more than three thoughts inside my mind all at once.
when i reach my middle-age, i could be a maniac o_O
btw, to FF lovers, Nobuo Uematsu, the composer of different scores in many Final Fantasy games, gets to hold a concert in Walt Disney Concert Hall at downtown LA. played by the Los Angeles Philharmonic, they'll be doing many of the Final Fantasy themes. darn. wish i could be there. even if the only ones i know are I, VI, and IX.
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2004-02-18 19:11:29.648916-08
on being capricious
yeah, i am that.
because of that i just deleted paragraphs and paragraphs of words said just so i can say something better or different. whichever fits my mood. why, right now i just changed the post title. i was supposed to write something on why i am here on melo and not on my other blog.
suddenly, i just changed my mind. so fickle-minded. uuughh. like i said, it's the effect of having more than three thoughts inside my mind all at once.
when i reach my middle-age, i could be a maniac o_O
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2004-02-17 21:50:36.120085-08
on being judgemental
more often than not, most people who already grew a brain (or at least, a backbone) would detest judgemental people. i mean who doesn't? who wants an ass telling us what we should be and what we should be not and what we should be doing with our lives? i mean, if we love ourselves, what do they care?
actually i'm posting this not to be in league with anti-judgementalists. i'm here to talk about constructive thinking. yes people. it can be all up to us to turn something negative to positive. sometimes those caustic and annoying words thrown at us do have merit and may even have sense (keyword is may, ok?). sometimes we love ourselves too much that we refuse the chance to become better. we are stubborn and rabid at what we believe for ourselves that it's too much of a luxury to listen to what people have to say, even if it's not pretty.
i say, look underneath it. perhaps learn something. you may not understand what they say about you, but you can understand the person who is saying it. either case you'll be the winner.
sometimes i don't know what i'm talking about. :D
anche out.
oh yeah, i have something weird.
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2004-02-17 01:19:35.912983-08
on what i was supposed to post
for some reason, these are the stuffs i wanted to post about but never had the time to expound on them (or they simply expired in my mind):
on suicide
"when i thought i had enough of this life, i met someone who's fighting for just a breath of it".
i attempted suicide several times, by deciding not to breathe. lol, found out later that it is scientifically impossible.
on me
well ... what else can i talk about? :D seriously, i thought posting info about me was kind of lame. i desired for my melo to be a place where my ideas are abound instead.
on nasty thoughts
well, uhm ... everyone has them. i have them all the time >:D
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2004-02-16 23:43:19.123385-08
a beautiful song
just wanted to post this beautiful but haunting song from the Wolf's Rain anime. it doesn't have a real message and it's abstractive. which is its appeal all along. well, a song is better heard ofcourse ...
and yeah, i love it when it rains ...
Gravity
Sung by Maaya Sakamoto
Lyrics by Troy
Music and Arrangement: Yoko Kanno
(Originally in English)
Been a long road to follow ...
Been there and gone tomorrow ...
Without saying goodbye to yesterday.
Are the memories of hope still valid ...
Or has the tears deluded them?
Maybe there's time tomorrow,
The rain will cease to follow,
And the mist will fade into more today.
'Cause the road keeps on telling me,
To go on ...
Something is pulling me,
I feel the gravity,
Of it all.
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2004-02-16 21:46:19.562699-08
on nonsensical ramblings
"I am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul"
- Invictus by William Ernest Henley (?)
on seeking
sometimes i think, i've done too much about myself. for instance, i used to be a very introvertive and timid person (though still am, haw haw), doesn't like strangers and stuff (yes, xenophobic). some 5 or 6 years ago, i convinced myself to overcome this. i've had scary stories to tell for it too. still, it was an excellent learning process. but it also made me realize one thing: i will forever be a seeker. it made my life tough. but i'm not complaining.
on you
yes you. i've always thought you're pretty and smart and cool. though when i look at you i see sad eyes. or is it because it's naturally chinky? or you're naturally quiet? i know i can talk to you, and i'm sure you'll talk to me. because you're really gentle and kind and well ... you're pretty and smart and cool. yet underneath it all, you have a heart of steel. and for some reason i can't handle that. so here i am. fancying what to do about it for many days now. i wonder if you ... at all ... care even just a little bit? now that would be cool o_o
on emo
what the hell is emo? emotional? is that bad? even if it is, i don't care, haw haw >:)
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2004-02-15 22:21:47.584657-08
on your friendly neighborhood ... uhhh ...
"In the end Sano, those are just words"
- Kenshin Himura, Rurouni Kenshin
this article is just too good to pass up. i was reading through a forum about philosophical and religious debates (though none are really too deep for the average joe) and this caught my eye. it's sort of a funny thread talking about the reason why america hates evangelical christians (and perhaps other related banana of the same stripe as well).
anyway, the last part is the hitter
... dah ... dah ... dah ... dah ...
To all the Christians out there, I say the following:
* Put your money where your mouth is. Be a shining example. Don't lecture on love -- be loving. Don't proselytize about forgiveness -- just forgive. Don't make promises of joy -- be joyful. Actions speak louder than words. And the words, the words you've been using, they're dead. They're like the shouted "No!" of a parent who never follows through with discipline. People hear it and shrug. So what?
* People watch Christians. They want to see bible-thumping Christians be fallible and fail, because prideful people deserve a comeuppance. Let them see Christians that laugh at misfortune, love with all their hearts, and live with joyful abandon. It's what Jesus did. And it's what we should be doing, too.
* Oh, and stop hating people. It really makes us look bad. Case in point: Jesus never said anything bad about homosexuals, but he did have an awful lot to say about being judgmental. See where I'm going with this?
there's also a funny part about Buddhists :D
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2004-02-15 19:25:24.348025-08
a post-Valentine overly-rehashed anonymous e-mail piece
still, it's good o_o
To a Possible Soulmate
It doesn't interest me what dreams your family, or church,
tells you to have.
I want to know what you truly ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you are brave enough to be a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me how many people you have impressed.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or deny it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own.
If you can dance with me and let the ecstasy fill you
without worrying what people are thinking,
without cautioning us to be careful, or realistic, or proper.
It doesn't interest me how you act infront of people.
I want to know how you act when you are alone.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to
yourself, and to your God.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own
soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty
everyday, and if you can source your life from God's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon, "YES !!"
It doesn't interest me to know how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and
despair, weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know if your life shows you are educated.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else
fails away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly
like the
company you keep in the empty moments.
It doesn't interest me what you look like.
I want to know if your eyes and hands are intimate with deceit and
dirt,
and if your soul will make you look beautiful when you are elderly
and
wrinkled.
It doesn't interest me what poetry you spin to tell me you love me.
I want to know if, on the darkest, most hopeless day of our lives,
when no one is there and I am my weakest and ugliest,
Then, I want to know if the darkness will find you
Embracing me and not letting go.
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2004-02-14 04:46:04.854662-08
a rustic sight
i love being at home in my parents house. here, january is really cool (since we're only a few minutes from Tagaytay) and best of all, it's the time when one of the most breathtaking sights i witness yearly: the blooming of the coffee flowers.
yeah, one day when i was about 11 years old or so, i woke up to the scent of an intoxicating perfume, almost characteristically french (like, i dunno why). looking at the window, i see the whole coffee plantations awashed in white -- small, little flowers dotting the trees as far as the next town. it must've rained the night before, because coffee flowers only bloom after a rainfall (though they are so delicate that the rain shouldn't be heavy or long).
it always amazes me as to how this simple thing can make me happy.
maybe i should buy a digicam o_O
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2004-02-12 21:14:45.206499-08
on lovapalooza
tonight a group of nutcases are about to fulfill a plan: to be put down in the Guinness Book of World Records as the night with the most couples kissing.
kinda gross if you ask me. even though i'd like to smooch a date tonight (none anyway, hahahahaha).
record is about 4000 couples btw o_O
only thing i think it'll succeed on, is cause headache-inducing traffic jam. ofcourse, i'm going to use the trains ;)
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2004-02-11 23:23:39.58943-08
on japanese
right now i'm practicing writing in japanese. i've memorized 46 hiragana characters already, but i feel reluctant taking on the 46 katakana characters (because they look so ... unelegant).
i like writing kanji even more (chinese characters). it feels like i'm drawing a picture rather than writing. sort of, writing egyptian hieroglyphics. i've memorized a few basic kanji characters, though i wonder how long before i can make complete sentences which includes those. there's like 1000 of those i had to memorize to be literate. but that's good i think. helps me stimulate my brain when i feel oh so sleepy.
mm, i write fast enough, but not read as fast.
teh ... teh ... THE
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2004-02-11 22:37:06.534204-08
on sleep
...
uhm. how do you think when you're sleepy?
...
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2004-02-10 22:10:00.425937-08
on existentialism
"All of mankind are drunk except the scholars, and all the scholars are confused except whoever acts according to his knowledge."
- Sahl ibn 'Abdullah (d. 283H)
Q: why are you here, in this life?
A: to prove that i lived
and that my friends, answered all my philo-existentialist, religion-neutral questions i've ever asked in highschool ;) the more simple and abstract, the better. helps to minimize overanalyzation (ahh, the joys of eastern philosophy is so calming) and prevents my mind from shutting down, lol. the effect is twofold even. it helps me get other things in perspective. why, right now i ought to stab our software architect in the back with a blunt object rather than think of the implications :D
so. how bout you? why are you here, in this life? :)
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2004-02-10 00:42:43.099791-08
on doodads
i have this yearning not to ramble endlessly on my melo. you know like, what has been happening to me from day to day? i think i'm going to aim for expressing thoughts on a subject. yeah. something like that, but a little grand at some aspect or another. but it would feel something like, y'know, writing with my right hand (i'm a lefty).
maybe i should start with like, world peace? eh? too GRAND? mm no. maybe about the Mars exploration? or the possibility of me being a writer? a comic book artist?
or right now, my eyes feel hot and watery and i feel sick :/
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2004-02-08 21:09:38.520969-08
iris
"and i don't want the world to see me, 'cause i don't that they'd understand"
- Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
as you people can see, i turned 27 last new year. just now i looked at my eyes in the mirror and saw how lifeless those brown irises (?) are. my wavy hair, as usual, simply refuses to conform to a certain direction. no matter what i do, everyday is a bad hair day. not that i really seem to care (uhm, does that mean i'm carefree? or just careless?).
i'll be calling my gal pal a little later so we can go get together tonight. she'll be giving me the invitation to her wedding and i'd like to ask her if i can go to it without ever taking a haircut. ahh, it's been so long since i last saw her. i missed insulting her very being. back when we were at the same team, i would casually go to her place in our company office and mess her desk just to see how pissed she will be.
i wonder what we'll talk about tonight. i can imagine hearing her scolding me for doing the things i just did with my life *glee*.
ey. suddenly these brown irises are having traces of life :)
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2004-02-08 07:22:59.669105-08
I"s
just rediscovered one of my favorite mangas which i picked up about four years ago. it's a story about Ichitaka Seto's love for Iori Yoshizuki go full cycle, only this one took years in the making o_O
back when i first discovered it, i was not at all interested, after all, it's a love story (though of the shounen genre, i.e. aimed at boys) and i'm more like into medieval fantasies or some sci-fi stuff o_O but the reason i first looked into it was because it had the same creator as another manga i liked, DNA2. the first volume was rather hilarious, which is why i found myself entertained a lot. after that, i continued on other volumes in a leisurely pace, enjoying the various facial expressions the characters have for each situation. by time i was aware of it, i was already in volume 40~50. i also realized that the lead character, Ichitaka, dealt with his predicament the same way i did. it's a very long story, but in the end, i felt satisfaction and contentment -- this manga is simply a work of art (well, there's nudity galore hehe). from the cast of characters, to the frustrations, pains, and joys of Seto, i find myself reading this manga again and again.
it also has some of the most memorable lines i've ever read:
"the world in front of my eyes ... was neither heaven nor hell ... it was reality"
- Ichitaka Seto, after his disastrous confession to Iori
"Seto is ... dreaming right now. I think it's because he is dreaming of you, causing him not wanting to wake up into reality. Because if he did, you will not be there with him. Seto dreams only to be with you for the rest of his life, living happily together. So he doesn't want to wake up into reality and find only emptiness without you. I BEG YOU! SAVE SETO! MAKE IT YOUR TURN TO RESCUE HIM!"
- Koshinae, telling Iori about a comatose Ichitaka
ofcourse, that's not to say there are no hilarious parts:
"A girl's butt?? Why!? What's it doing in my room!!?"
- Ichitaka, after coming home seeing a sleeping Izumi's butt from the front door
i remembered giving a copy of all the volumes to my gal pal (also let her borrow my Calvin & Hobbes telling her that i think almost exactly like Calvin when i was six) and had laughs talking about it after office hours. right now, i'm rummaging through the volumes trying to pick a favorite panel. but ... i guess it's futile (-_-)
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2004-02-05 01:31:28.953162-08
rehashed poetry #2
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970), Marriage and Morals (1929) ch. 19
i used to be a sucker for all this lovin' stuff. just needed to post it all out so i can start a new batch just in case it bites me.
Why Want Me ?
- Q.Montejo
why want me?
when there are lots of others around
who could've given you what you wanted
and made you happy the way you most desire
they have all the good looks
they have all the right moves
me? i am just me
that's all i am good at
just being me
why want me?
when there are lots of others out there
another person to smile and laugh with you
someone who can cherish your personal dreams
love you the way you are
love you for the sake of loving you
me? i can do it too
not really great at it
but i always try
why want me?
when there can be others better than i am
sweeter, or gentler, or more charismatic
a heart that can win the hearts of many
is it because i am here for you now?
is it because i am sincere with what i feel?
me? you still want me?
if love is behind that wanting
then i'll let you
if not then ...
then let it go
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2004-02-05 00:02:35.15136-08
on altophobia
just a pic of me doing rappeling last year. i don't know if i should call this
event fun when my heart was like trying to grow arms so it could hold
on to the rope itself.
the pic is misleading too as it is still a very long way down. and down there, there were these iron spikes sticking up just so you're reminded that this is not a place to spend a happy death.
now this is all fine and dandy you all say,
but wait ... i have altophobia !!
hah!
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2004-02-04 21:30:43.376498-08
pitted prunes make me ...
"those who do not know happiness, are those who do not know happiness calling"
- Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex
and i have nothing meaty to say. but i'll start anyway
on angst
looking at most other melos, the only common word is 'fuck'. so most of them go like 'fuck this' or 'fuck that' or 'i don't know what the fuck is going on in my life'. so right now, i'd like to talk about the angsty side of using the word (as opposed to say, 'fuck, this burrito is good'). it's understandable i guess. more than anything, the tumult of early adulthood and teen years will make or break what you will be later (in case you survive).
sometimes i wish i were back in those years just so i could feel how vivid and bright life is. it's when i can dream of making it big, or find my greatest love, or get my act together and plan the rest of my life. then reality bites and you find despair and disappointment in every corner you go. you'll realize that making it big is not all what it seems to be. that finding the love of my life also means suffering a lot of heartaches along the way that you doubt if it is all worth it. that the plan i had for my life is flawed big time and the compromises can become unbearable. what happens when things all fall apart? 'fuck' everything? or 'fuck i don't care anymore?'
so you begin to ask yourself, where do i go? what does this world had to do with me, and i, to do with it? well, i guess there's one thing i learned. you need to get spiritual. my definition of 'spiritual' is simply this: that you have something sustaining your from the inside. if you're an atheist, i guess you've known this'll happen (btw, a true atheist is not a person who hates religion, but simply a person who does not rely on the god concept to drive their lives, in other words, the ultimate realist) your plan of action is in a piece of paper somewhere (but that's just boring). if you're agnostic, i guess your spirituality will come from the fact that you can find your answer in you all along, i.e. you only need to thank God that it was there after all. if you're a believer, whether a Christian, Islamic, etc., you have God. perhaps the believer has the easiest time in my opinion. atheists need to know a lot of things to rationalize or reason their way through (a lot of work if you ask me).
but in any case, these are just the general solutions to angst. like i said, i would've loved feeling the vibrance of life again as an enthusiastic student in years long past. but i'm also glad i am past the age when i am blaming the world for my cursed existence. lol, just by saying 'my cursed existence' already feels like i relieved highschool.
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2004-02-04 02:47:21.737454-08
i'm the new penguin-hitter master !!
by a mere 0.5 points from kryx's score. haha, ph3@r !!
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2004-02-04 01:22:07.598509-08
on discrimination
i have a weird family o_O
ever since i was a kid, my uncles, aunties and cousins would be like, the most discriminating people in the world. to think i grew up under their wing o_O they are not really racist. in fact, if you dealt with them, most of the time they do it with good-naturedness. they just use their stories to give us kids a laugh or two. maybe.
but most of the time, we're insulting each other. we're funny that way.
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2004-02-03 23:23:13.309586-08
yes. too content indeed
mediocrity is to be ordinary. i say i'd like to be out of the ordinary. so say NO to mediocrity. make your lives extraordinary. but not like this:
metallic teeth = violation of teeth rights
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2004-02-03 22:08:53.781032-08
i knew it
i am too content with my life.
maybe i haven't messed up anything for like years that it neutered my mind. or maybe i am so desensitized that i should be like, really sad or really happy at things. i don't even rant anymore.
it's like, i don't have a feel for this world. i have no hunger. i have no want.
i think i'm doomed to mediocrity.
must. do. something. :D
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2004-02-03 21:21:19.352803-08
corny poem for the day
i have like, these weird moods lately o_O but what the heck hahahahha
Smitten
- Q.Montejo
hey
i would like to say that
i find you really,
really charming?
maybe my mind is
just exaggerating
because you know
it could either be
a spontaineous thought
or a gradual inclination
brought about by
an excited dream
(oh the horror!)
still
i would like to try to
talk with you a little
make you laugh a little
win your heart a little
a small step everyday
yet
you know i have
already told you
that i like you a lot
and it broke me a little
when you said
that there are things
that cannot be
so
i think i'll just
stare at the screen
think a little
sometimes i wish
i had mind-reading powers
but all i have with me now
is the keyboard
typing these letters
spread the love people !! spread the love !! :D
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2004-02-03 01:14:04.276634-08
poem for the road
Red Sun Waning
- Q.Montejo
i came here
for the run
the road
the passion
the heat
the throbbing heart
the pain
the burn under my soles
the force
... here there is no happiness or joy
... nor there is sadness or sorrow
... the road only asks me one thing
... that i tread on it and leave my mark
and be alive
be a breathing creature
be good
be bad
just be !!
yeap. i'm going jogging in Roxas boulevard. quite a nice place actually (esp. with the sunset and all) ever since the mayor did something about it. so nice that i ...
*ehem* stop daydreaming. i must go now.
EDIT: just had to decide it as a poem o_O
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2004-02-02 23:34:05.961752-08
time for some melodrama
ah *sighers*
i miss talking to someone about anything and everything ... i always were a one on one person. that's why i used to chat a lot, ever since i had my first job (which i still am in).
in the channels i would be cracking jokes or type something gross. in a private channel, i would go somewhere from debating on religion to some intimate details about relationships. i was a counselor, a student, a friend, a fan, a fling, a teacher, a philosopher, a scientist, simply a lot. this faceless, humanless interface -- quite a convenient way to be freely expressive. i might have been in it so long that, i communicate more by writing my thoughts than by saying it ... to the point that i loathe using the phone. :D
so it goes to show that too much of anything is bad :D still, i wish i had someone to talk to. my ex and i are not talking that much anymore. i must be really mean :D dating is an alternative. but i've seen the pattern, and now, i'll date only if my aim is to find wifey ... which is sort of a corny thought when you think about it. anyway, enough melodrama for now.
and damn, i still smell like spice. ack !!
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2004-02-02 19:16:02.382907-08
stocks shnocks
was supposed to invest on stocks just to know how it works [though i don't have much money to start with]. my ex warned me it's a little too dangerous to do it right now with the political brouhaha and all.
so anyway, since i'm clueless to almost everything, i decided to study it (heh, yeah, while the boss is not looking). here goes (terms from Investopedia):
1. Asset
- investopedia: anything that an individual or a corporation owns that has economic value to its owner. Asset is also a balance sheet item showing what a firm owns.
- my definition: simply put, it's just a set of asses, like these: (_|_) (_|_) (_|_)
2. Earnings
- investopedia: The net income of a company during a specific period. Generally, but not necessarily, referring to after-tax income.
- my definition: living beings from the planet Earn
3. Shares
- investopedia: Certificates representing ownership in a corporation.
- my definition: i think they're related to srabbits
4. Equity
- investopedia: A term describing stock, or any security, representing an ownership interest.
- my definition: er uhm, the opposite of non-equity?
5. Dividends
- investopedia: A cash payment, using profits, announced by a company's board of directors and distributed among stockholders. Dividends may be in the form of cash, stock, or property. All dividends must be declared by the board of directors.
- my definition: not sure what it means. i think this word was made while speaking with a clogged nose
6. Bankruptcy
- investopedia: The state of a person or firm unable to repay debts.
- my definition: out of monopoly money?
7. Liquidation
- investopedia: Any transaction that offsets or closes out a long or short position.
- my definition: i'm quite sure it's something to do with killing someone
alright. i feel sick.
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2004-02-02 02:05:05.854727-08
well, got to get that negativity off somehow
i dunno what to do with the last post. only thing i can think of now is to post a pic again.
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2004-02-02 01:15:10.143486-08
on death
only just now that i learned that a young pexer (from the forums i hang out) died last October.
i don't know what to make of it. sure, she's only a name in the screen, but before then, i was keen to observe that she has an aura that permeates from her words. perhaps because she's the same as me in many ways: a gamer, a musician, an artist, a thinker, an exile ... just like me. yet i envied her for her clarity of thought, something i will never have in this lifetime.
i've always thought i'll be a cold-hearted ass whenever somebody dies, moreso to someone i don't really know. but the end of life ... this is not for the young and the promising. not ever.
goodbye Sacrosanct. let your journey's end be with peace.
"Return this lady to the Lord's breast,
Beyond the wild, impartial skies;
Grant her a warrior's rest
And set the last spark of her eyes
Free from the smothering clouds of war.
Let the last surge of her breath
Take refuge in the cradling air
Upon the torches of the stars
Above the dreams of ravens where,
Only the hawk remembers death.
Then let her soul to the Lord rise
Beyond the wild, impartial skies."
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2004-02-01 22:34:35.669939-08
rehashed poetry #2
one of my existentialist pieces (actually, the only one) from a long time ago. just for sharing :)
The Dream Wanderer
- Q. Montejo -
I wonder ...
Just how the world lives?
How I come to exist?
And make a purpose in life.
Is it a question of religion?
Of Love ? Of Sanity ?
Are we just a portion
Of Reality ?
Or the center of the Universe ...
I wonder ...
How I am able to feel
The warm touch of an ember
Or the chill of a foggy night
Or an overflowing emotion --
Of a heart,
Hiding behind a curtain of defense ...
Away from pain,
And thinking,
Just how I am able to sense
All the various fragrances,
Of blooming roses and weeping jasmins
Or how I come to breathe
A reminiscing scent ...
That cries back
All the many sorrows,
And simple joys
Past a span of moments
And still absorb pictures of fleeting smiles
I wonder
Why trees tend to rustle
When the wind presses its hand
And give spirit to the singing leaves
Or why the children of the earth
Continue to fulfill
The paradox of creation
And the cycle of Life and Death
All standing in Balance and Unity ...
Or, is it ?
I wonder
Am I important
To the existence of the world ?
Am I important
To the making of the world
As the Deluge ?
Shaping the earth in my wake ?
Am I a bridge between
The roots of my family
And the stem of future descendants ?
Am I what generations of heroes and wise men extol ?
Or ...
Am I as insignificant ...
As the lives lost when wars took place
Like drops of rain
Disappearing into the ocean
Like a dew drop under a leaf of grass
Waiting to be merged with clouds
High up in the sky
With many others like me
No ...
Perhaps not ...
No because ...
I have wondered
If I can be a teardrop
To signify Joy, or Sorrow, or Hope
Or to be a gliding tuft of silk
Exploring a planet
Of Blue, of Green, of Rainbowed colours
Forever wondering ...
Forever seeing ...
And then just settle down
To sleep with dreams
Of distant castles
Of exotic lands
Of beautiful people
And then I'll wander again
Then wonder again
And wandering still
Wondering
How great God is
And how simple I am
And yet ...
We're supposed to sway ...
In eternal rhythm
In eternal harmony
In eternal life
And I shall wonder and wonder ...
Until I can no longer stop wondering
God help me ...
I can't stop wondering.
-~oOo~-
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2004-02-01 19:24:50.722384-08
my fave dog Brutus
i've always been close to animals. but i was especially close to a dog i had once named Gringo Brutus.
born as a mongrel (that's what you call dogs with unknown pedigree right?), he looks like a welsh corgi, with a red-orange coat, stubby little legs that has white socks, dark muzzle, and a proud chest. yeah, i've always wanted to take a picture of him when he's sitting there like a lion. he's a nasty guard dog (he bites), but very affectionate to those he knows. he has poor eyesight once dusk arrives, and he might mistake you for an intruder if you come home late. but his hearing makes up for it though, and he can recognize my voice from afar.
what's endearing about him is that, he has this hideous smile when he's pleased, baring his fangs and all while overly wagging his tail (more accurately, his hip). he can jump really high despite his short legs perhaps because i trained him to leap by baiting him with bread. he has this funny grunting noises when he tries to sleep at night (like his mom). he also has this nasty habit of bringing home rotting trash (which we appopriately call his 'junk food') which he leisurely rolls on as well. must be scavenger blood from his ancestors o_O
i could recall that he seem to have this never-ending quest to try to enter our house and lie somewhere soft. ofcourse, being always smelly since he has freedom to run around acres of coffee plantation at the back, the thought of letting him in on the otherside of the doorstep is unspeakable (at least to my mom). he did succeed more than once though. one day, while we (the whole family) came back from a trip, we saw him fast asleep on the guest seat, all of his feet up in the air, seemingly dreaming dog dreams while twitching. much to my mom's dismay, she had to scold poor Brutus. it was really a funny sight. and the guest seat was never the same.
he sometimes disappear every now and then, most probably sowing his oats. til one day, he went away too long. and never came back.
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2004-02-01 09:16:36.971143-08
fame question
given only one choice to govern your fate, which would you choose: to be mediocre in a group of highly talented people, or to be highly looked upon among simple folk?
i'm always torn apart between the two :)
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2004-02-01 06:19:00.755196-08
tenjo tenge
couldn't help it, i wanted to put a visually gratifying poster of my favorite manga, tenjo tenge sometime later to ease up on page load. but what the hey >:p
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2004-02-01 04:37:13.620645-08
cool women :)
always have a weakness to women who rock ... sling a guitar, and to me, you're a goddess >:}
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2004-02-01 02:35:12.06584-08
me and my love story with music
yeah, i am a lover of music, but to what extent i am not sure. i learned to play guitar quite late in life (3-4 years ago) but can never be good at it. i memorized my first song when i was seven which was Ocean Deep, back when it had airplay sometime in the early 80s (?). Almost all my cousins have brilliant voices, but i inherited no real talent, having only a mediocre voice with about a couple octaves span. when i'm in the bathroom, i sing. when i'm washing the dishes, i sing. when i'm walking home from school alone, i sing. even inside the bus, and people would just be looking at me :D up to this day, my most prized posessions are my cd collection and cd player.
When i was in high school and up til college, i've always dreamt of being in a band. Highschool was the time of rock, glam or otherwise, like GNR, Poison, Bon Jovi, Metallica, Megadeth, and the birth of local OPM bands. it was also the time when new wave music is in its wane but still popular around, especially if you have like, older siblings.
College was the age of alternative, and the golden age of local bands came, with a lot of underground ones emerging with their brand of music. it was also the time i grew my hair long :D people would go like, "dude, you look like hanson", of which i meet with a sarcastic snicker.
then when i landed a job, it became the age of R&B and commercialized music *cough* boybands *cough*. i have nothing against factory-made music, but i have more respect to those who make their own. still, there were a lot of artists who's worth their music. so you know, i go for the likes of Michelle Branch, Edwin McCain, Jason Mraz, etc.
the music i listen obviously, are almost always easy to the ears. anything melodic, but most especially if it's acoustic -- which most often mean it's with guitars. i guess when you like poetry, it goes to show that you like music as well. and to that effect, other forms of art. still, my practical nature never let me ignite any passion to pursue any of the arts. which is my undoing though. when you kill a passion, you kill the man twice.
so anyway, i plan to get a new guitar soon. mmm, gotta get me one of those respectable turtlebacks. i need to sing again
•
[10:44 PM] melo backup for january 2004 ^_^
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2004-01-31 21:47:32.219852-08
not a translation
just a little song that somehow belongs more in the hippie era than the late 90s ... *peace*
With a Smile
- Eraserheads
lift your head
baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along the way
we'll get by
with a smile
you can't win at everything but you can try
baby you don't have to worry
'cause there ain't no need to hurry
no one ever said that there's an easy way
when they're closing all their doors
they don't want you anymore
it's sounds funny but i'll say it anyway
girl i'll stay
through the bad times
even if i had to fetch you everyday
we'll get by
with a smile
you can never be too happy in this life
in a world where everybody hates a happy ending story
it's no wonder love can make the world go round
but don't let it bring you down
and turn you face into a frown
we can get along with a little prayer and a song
let me here you sing it
in a world where everybody hates a happy ending story
it's no wonder love can make the world go round
but don't let it bring you down
and turn you face into a frown
we can get along with a little prayer and a song
lift your head
baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along the way
we'll get by
with a smile
now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye ...
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2004-01-31 16:16:11.128042-08
song translation #1
always thought doing this would be cool
Burnout
-Sugarfree
please don't look at me
especially ike that
don't freaking nag me
don't ask me questions
because like you, i have changed in a way
we're not like this before
the times changed so fast
oh i have loved you for so long
oh i have loved you for so long
but if you think about it
it's really not like this before
wait a minute, wait a damn
when did we get indifferent?
if you think about it
it is not like this before
life must've passed by too fast
that it took us with it
oh i have loved you for so long
oh i have loved you for so long
i'm calling you
i'm asking you
even though you couldn't hear
even though you couldn't feel
oh i'll be loving you for a long time
oh i'll be loving you for a long time
oh i'll be loving you for a long time
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2004-01-31 06:15:24.365298-08
what are the small things you believe in?
i believe
- in thinking first before acting, listening first before speaking
- that i would uphold harmony more than start a fight
- that aspirin prolongs the life of cut flowers but is poisonous to cats
- that religion is the life you lead, not the creed you profess
- that cranky people just needs a little cheering (oh right, the joy o_O)
- i can hold my temper, well, if there's any
- i'll die earlier than most :(
- that i can still write good stuff
- that i'm not as confused about life as i used to be
- i'm going somewhere
- that i need to find something here before i go (??)
- in the power of laughter
- that i'll somehow find a date :D
- i am still capable of extreme genius sometimes >:D
- i can get over any depression in a couple of days tops
ok, so i'm squeezing my brain just to juice these words out (-_-)
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2004-01-31 02:14:48.583315-08
the hanging and banging of myooozic
right now i don't know why i'm writing. it's just that the pounding of music from Evanescence, Saliva, Nickelback, etc. helps to stop my mind from thinking more than one thought.
sounds WEIRD doesn't it?
it's because i'm sick up here ->O_O i wanted to be normal. but then again, is there SUCH a thing as NORMAL? though yeah, i kinda freak out when i see somebody who's the epitome of weirdness, say the guy i saw this morning who think pink socks are cool. tee hee, i'm so evil.
me thinks am hungary.
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2004-01-30 03:14:51.053451-08
teh komik links
i have a love for comics. anyone into it, i recommend the following:
PvP Online - about the gamers like me, yet the humor will also touch non-gamers alike
Sinfest - humorous comic with a religious twang and a gangsta outlook. can at times be philosophical too !
8-bit Theater - witty in both words and material, the maker, Bryan, is a genius !!
Nekobox - a hilarious and colorful comic with animanga flavor, though sometimes too focused on small, furry animals
enjoy !!
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2004-01-30 02:59:48.75388-08
letter to a gal pal
unsent letter i made to a gal pal, written 9:44 pm, 27th of Feb, 2003
Yo.
if by any chance, you come across this letter of mine, then consider this my thankest thanks i can muster. thanks for listening to me even though i made no sense. thanks for laughing at my stories, my jokes (no matter how gross i made them to be), my apparent narcissistic behaviour (hehe), and above all, thanks for seeing that i was special in many ways to you. you don't know how much i appreciate being told these things. even though i try the hardest, with all my male ego, to hide my appreciation for the things you've done. you know how much i like shutting the world off, but thanks that you cared enough to tap on the window and give me a sanity call.
so there. try and remember that once in a rare while, i take a visit outside my little world and try to see if anyone's out there who would acknowledge me. and i'm glad that, for some reason or season, i stepped on a toe that heralds me meeting you. even though at that time you yourself was trying to close yourself off from the world, seemingly cynical at the very thought of even communicating with someone whose initially less than a friend, you were able to find some room in your face to smile.
i haven't have much gifts to give. except my annoying behaviour when i'm within an area of five square meters of your awareness. still, i'm sure that i was able to perform a few disturbing scenes that you watched that will certainly make you remember me. but you laughed most of the times ey? remember that story about me watching my aunt and mom get it down on the dance floor? ok, i'll spare you the details.
thanks for nudging me about my directions in life. but i really hoped you'd rub it in some more. because somehow, even if i find that i'm a hopeless case with my own quarter-life crisis, being told that all's going to be ok (i think you said something like that) can really do wonders to soothe troubled souls. that even if i continue denying myself of being someone involved in a relationship, you're there to make me stop that continual self-strangling habit before it destroys me. really !
lastly, with your upcoming marriage, my wish to you would be no less than the utmost happiness a blessed couple could find. oh yeah, if you keep pestering me about a pledge for me to accomplish, then let it be me singing your wedding song. i'm sure the microphone and the acoustic walls of the church will surely hide all my subtle vocal inadequacies. but what the hey. anything you say, i'll accomplish. hopefully.
Me
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2004-01-30 02:01:34.651005-08
"we could start a fire ..." - new wave song
things that haven't changed:
1) the password for my e-mail address
2) my missing my favorite dog, Gringo Brutus
3) the cross-shaped scar on my left pointing finger
4) that my hometown is still the best place in the world
5) that being alone with nature is as good as being with a crowd i belong to
6) music, i still love music
7) drawing, sketching ... still love doing both
8) my bamboo bank -- it still has the name of my greatest crush (Grade 5)
9) the weirdness in my nickname
10) my signature since highschool (still looks like an electric resistor)
11) clouds, i still love looking at clouds
12) my favorite number and color
13) the meaninglessness of christmas
things that have changed:
1) stronger in every other way
2) the way i see my life -- still blind, but i know i can move forward
3) the things that make me laugh (more and more)
4) the things that make brings me down (lesser and lesser)
5) self-esteem (better or no change?)
6) what meaning that was lost in christmas, went to new year ;)
7) my confusion with life (lesser)
8) i now seldom write poetry
9) re-emergence of my ambivalent nature
10) had more friends, met more interesting people
11) know i am not commitment-phobic pala
so, tell me, what have and have not changed in you the moment this year stepped in?
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2004-01-30 00:55:09.25642-08
Mouth of the Fish
any of you guys into manga drawing, i have some very old ones to show:
Enter the Mouth of the Fish
careful, there's a shitload of pop-up ads that you might get too annoyed to go on o_O anyway, i think kryx already saw these
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2004-01-29 22:54:33.856733-08
"Hello Clarisse ..." - H.Lecter
ok. it looks to me in a web site i read that i have about a portion of three personality disorders (italicized phrases are what hit me hard):
schizoid - People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."
**my note: not sure about my social skills. i get along quite well with most strangers. And i'm definitely NOT humorless.
schizotypal - Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
**my note: like who wouldn't want to have super powers ?? I speak simply though, if any at all.
obsessive-compulsive - Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.
**my note: i used to be a perfectionist, and to some extent, i still am. when i do something, i want it to be done perfectly whatever it may be so i can be proud of it. Dig?
what can i say? i am my own SHRINK.
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2004-01-29 22:37:21.292634-08
i am currently dateless
not totally dateless, i have a prospect but well ... there's a little complication. anyway, i just dug up an old, old poem i made which became my favorite (i.e. blatant self-promotion). something for the young hearts around here (omg, i feel so old T_T)
piece 08092000
- Quentin Montejo
i'll just love you tomorrow
because today
all i want to do is love me
i've been this way and that
given this and taken that
and now i want things to be tidy
so i can find my things where they should be
and that my bruised knees and aching head
won't be much concern for you when i linger
i'll just love you tomorrow
because today
all i want to do is just live in it
where i can just sing aloud
and strum my guitar til my fingers hurt
i want to have enough time
to thank and hug mom for the breakfast
and that one thousand praises
i've been meaning to say to God
i'll just love you tomorrow
because today
all i want to do is prepare loving you
as i pick up the pieces of my past
so i can reflect a better picture of me
then, when i let our hearts embrace
i don't have to let go
and let the tears of years
flow and become flowers
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2004-01-29 21:04:12.401157-08
two blessed souls
Today i just realized i am an admirer of two different but equally interesting people, each at the end of the spectrum: one, totally at one with her spiritual side, and the other, in complete cognition with the human side, yet both have big hearts.
"May you live in interesting times"
- Confucius
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2004-01-29 18:47:54.528741-08
boobie edit
Ok, these are what i have planned this year
- learn how to read, write, speak, comprehend Japanese
- get a feel of doing business by making my own business
- my friend sez stocks sucks right now so i'm steering clear of it
- create my web comic
- get together with my mountaineering buddies
- reconcile with a 'friend' :(
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2004-01-28 23:08:38.540636-08
gasp
only 20 minutes inside melo and it's already interfering with work. this is bad T_T
must be the itch to write + the accessibility to the net + aching legs + deliberate neglect of work :D
i'm sure i'll burn out soon o_o
<*mutter* XSL, transform with Xalan *mutter*>
yes guys i'm weird.
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2004-01-28 22:50:31.203975-08
i have like four other blogs
k, i'm here because i'd like to make use of the opportunity this place has to offer. might as well o_O
my other blogs (bleh, no links for you)
Nine AM
- collection of anecdotes, contemporary fiction, poetry (?) and other stuff that i plan to turn into a manga of my own making.
Dark Giant Planet
- collection of ideas, original or otherwise, which i plan to turn into a manga comic as well (though it has started more than six years ago already)
Stained Glass Windows
- my personal bloggy. more like a sepulcher of unvoiced ... ehrm ... voices, i.e. my sounding board ... er blog
theJavaBasket
- my techie blog. i'm an IT dude who's trying to revive his interest in IT. trying my hand on some sort business just in case i totally lose it (IT)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh, my officemate sent me a cool song lyric. might as well post it here
Candlebox Far Behind lyrics
Now maybe
I didn't mean to treat you bad
But I did it anyway
And now maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway
And so maybe
Your friends they stand around they watch your crumble
As you falter to the ground
And then someday
Your friends they stand beside as you were flying
Oh you were flying oh so high
But them someday people look at you for what they call their own
They watch you suffer
Yeah they hear you calling home
But then some day we could take our time
To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
But you left me far behind
Now maybe
I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
No, no, no
Couldn't share the pain, they watch you suffer
Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes
But I live with what I've known
And then maybe we might share in something great
But won't you look at where we've grown
Won't you look at where we've gone
But then someday comes tomorrow holds a sense of what I feel for you in my mind
As you trip the final line
And that cold day when you lost control
Shame you left my life so soon you should have told me
But you left me far behind
Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
No, no, no
Oh no
Oh no no no no...
Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
I said times have changed your friends
They come and watch you crumble to the ground
They watch you suffer
Yeah, they hold you down
Hold you down
Now maybe brother, maybe love
I didn't mean to treat you bad
But you left me far behind
Left me far behind
Left me far
Behind
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2004-01-28 22:48:13.526617-08
alright this is all ugly
HELLO PEOPLE OF MELO
I AM ANCHE ... I AM COMMUNICATING WITH YOU ALL VIA TELEPA-MELO-TV
hey guys really, i thank you all so much. makes me wanna kiss you all ... er ... somewhere muhahahahaha.
promise i'll go through each one of your bloggies and spread my disease.
kryx honey, you know me by the name of Quentin. and it is just NOW that i was able to see what all you guys have posted o_O
eudoxia: i'll get back to you, you'll feel good afterwards i promise >:D
*sob* i'm overjoyed ... i think i may replace my old personal bloggy with this one
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2004-01-28 22:38:34.629627-08
pootie-too-ti-too
... ripping through time and space ... and bandwidth
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